There is nothing quite like a pandemic to change the shape of not only the outside world but the one that exists inside of us to.
For me, since March, the pandemic has forced me to re evaluate all aspects of my life, from work, to family to my physical and mental health.
The world outside is flailing about, trying to find a stability along with a flexibility, this is very hard to so. The world inside myself, my thoughts, my feelings have been trying to do the same and it has been one hell of an uphill struggle.
Then I realised that I was only thinking in terms of what other people wanted or needed from me and not what I needed or wanted from myself (and from others).
So I took a long hard look at myself and forced myself to confront how I had been feeling - worn out physically and emotionally, constantly stressed and in a state of high alert along with may other things. Once I had acknowledged them all, I asked myself "How important are the things that cause some of these feeling?" The answer for all but two of them was "not important in the slightest because the gain is far less that the loss of my physical and metal well-being."
So, after discussing things with the two remaining important things, I gave the others up and I am now focussing on my needs and those of my loved ones. There is still stress and uncertainly but it is far more manageable now.
We all have to find our equilibrium again but I think we have to ensure it is ours that we find and not the one that only serves others and still damages us.