I wasn’t doing so well health-wise before this pandemic started.
When I first heard about it, I was totally terrified. I live on my own in sheltered housing. I didn’t have any support to start with and was really struggling with the pandemic lockdowns and my depression got worse. I had a breakdown.
I’m now under my local Community Mental Health Team and have a Care Plan now. I’m also on anti-depressant medications as I went through a stage in my life which caused me to now want to continue. So this was a very personal time for me and I did not wish to live any more!
The pandemic made it worse for me. The lockdowns brought a lot of sad memories to me of when I got locked in through my abusive ex-husband, which caused me to have night-terrors and being scared to go outside and be around other people. My anxiety is very high now and it’s a constant battle trying to keep safe. I am so scared that other people might give me the virus and I just feel so alone and sad knowing that all around the world so many people have sadly passed away. Our world feels so scary just now. I’m so scared and fearful about what my future will have in store, now. Will we have to live forever in and out of guidelines and lockdowns?
The social isolation is very hard. I don’t know a lot of people but the ones I do, I’ve not been able to see often and it’s so upsetting the global crisis is sad and very worrying. What will happen all around the world? I’ve wrote a poem about the pandemic (see below).
I ended up in hospital in September/October 2020 with organ failure with my pancreas. It was very serious. I was so scared of getting the virus in hospital. But the staff were amazing and they deep cleaned the wards daily, tested the patients on the wards and looked after us extremely well. Bless the NHS. They are our heroes. I can’t thank them enough. Amazing people! Thank you!
I was given a support package for Home Help for 4 weeks from the British Red Cross upon discharge. They did my shopping and light housework for me. Fantastic people. I enjoyed the company as well. Then when they were gone, I was alone again.
Having to venture outside in lockdown was a terrifying experience which I will never forget. I’m always on guard now, keeping away from people outside. I am so paranoid now. I was introduced to the company Mind in my local area. They are amazing (my angels). Mind set up therapy for me once a week which is helping me dearly, as I progress onwards.
There is also a Support Worker who checks in with me and they are now a dear friend, who I can’t thank enough for helping me through some hard days and times in this dreadfully scary pandemic. Even a phone call means a lot. When Christmas was cancelled for “2020” I was so sad and lonely. I was completely alone. I’ll never forget it. I’m finding life is just one long struggle at the moment and I hope life will get better soon for all of us, once again.
My mental health is all over the place each day and so different at the moment. I just kept doing my prayers and hoping that my dear Lord will help me get through everything that’s happening. I’m just trying to be strong and carry on.
Life in the Covid-19 Pandemic (2020) - Poem:
I have a weird feeling of disorientation when I go outside these days,
It’s like waking up from a very long sleep to find the world irreversibly changed.
A troupe of Science Fiction, from Day of the Triffids, or the blinding meteor shower,
going into London transformed, in ’28 Days Later’.
Except the weird thing is, not the London of a year ago,
and still ongoing eerie empty streets, empty streets. shops closed, some shops open, some traffic has resumed
its flow, and some people are still meeting up.
People blast music from their cars etc,
Groups meet in parks.
But most people stay indoors.
But our world is still in a scary place.
Am I mad to wonder?
To still feel nervous?
Some people forget the pandemic is still with us. People need to take notice.
We have new variants of the virus now and it’s spreading more each day.
If we don’t take actions now, our world will be on its way
to another major disaster.
And all of our lives will be harder still.
Depression is living in a body that fights to survive
With a mind tries to die (this is me).